This past year has been such a time of growth and change for me. There is nothing in the world like being a newly wed, to then preparing for a surprise baby! This process has been so refining for me. I have learned so much about myself and my wonderful husband. We have walked through this together and I could not be more thankful.
Here are some of the things I have learned. First was letting go. I mean this in many different senses. First, was letting go of my fear and allowing myself to trust the Lord and to trust Michael as my spouse. I was so terrified that I'd lose him either to death, or divorce or something along those lines. Once I was finally able to trust that the Lord wanted good things for my life, I was able to let go of that paralyzing fear. I love Michael so much and cannot imagine my life without him, but if he were gone, I trust that God would bring me through that.
Secondly, I let go of some friendships. This was terribly hard, and still continues to hurt at times. Sometimes I still don't fully understand, but I trust that the Lord has a plan in it all. Michael has been such a huge support and I love how he gets so worked up for me because he does not want to see me hurting or sad. He is such a knight in shining armor!
I also let go of a dream. Working for Club Christ has been a dream of mine. I loved being with the students and it challenged me more than anyone could ever know. Plus, I never imagined myself to be the stay-at-home-mom type. I pictured myself out on the battlefields fighting for Jesus. However, in giving up that dream, I have discovered another dream: being a Mom. I always knew this was something God created me to do, but did not fully understand how much it would change me, or how in love with this little baby I could ever be. He isn't even here yet, and I am changed for the better! I am so thrilled to see what life may bring once he is in our arms.
Here are a few other things I have learned in my marriage and friendships: Some of the most powerful words are "I'm sorry" and "Please forgive me." True forgiveness means keeping no records of wrongs. I am a good friend and I deserve the same love and forgiveness that everyone else does. It takes a very humble person to admit fault. God still loves me even when I screw up.
What great life lessons to learn! What great strength I have found in the Lord, my husband and myself. What a wonderful time to welcome a new baby-when I'm whole, loved and forgiven!
