Last week when I went to the Dr., she said that she thought that our baby would be coming early (since in his last ultrasound he was measuring two weeks ahead of schedule). She said that he might come at 38 or 39 weeks. The reality of him coming early sunk in quickly and I became a freak of nature: cleaning, organizing, rearranging. Thank God for Michael, he is so patient with me, and while I am up cleaning at midnight he knows just when to tell me to go to bed!
Throughout this entire pregnancy I have been so fearful. I have worried about everything. Cried about everything. Through good friends, family and scripture I have finally turned my fear over to the Lord. I no longer feel anxious (okay, on occasion I do) or feel the need to control everything around me. In truth, what can I really do? I am totally out of control of anything to do with my body, or baby. I have to trust that EVEN IF something does go wrong, the Lord will provide strength, comfort and be a place of refuge for me. All I can do now is submit to the Lord's will and prepared mentally, emotionally and physically for this adventure.
Oddly enough, I now feel excitement. This is not something I have felt yet during this process. Part of me feared losing this baby and out of that fear I was not able to fully enjoy the experience. But I will no longer be a slave to my fear. I will rejoice in the Lord and that he has blessed us and allow myself to enjoy this process (as much as I can feeling huge and swollen :). I feel free. Finally.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
keeping up with the jones'
As I approach motherhood I am thrilled, yet terrified at the same time. I am thrilled because this is something that I have always wanted. I can't wait to teach our son things and watch him grow into a young man of integrity, kindness and deep faith (at least I hope he grows into these things). I am terrified because at times I feel so incredibly inadequate.
I love reading blogs from other Moms to see what recipes I can borrow (okay, steal and pass them off as my own..ha ha), but sometimes when I do I find myself so discouraged. I see these Moms using cloth diapers, and making EVERYTHING from scratch, they have gardens and are able to sew. I look at myself and see how I am none of the above things. Even if I learned to sew or used cloth diapers, I don't see either as an enjoyable experience. Then I begin to wonder if I will even be a good Mom since I do not do those things.
In reality I know the truth. Just because you have a green thumb or spend hours in the kitchen concocting some new from-the-earth entree, does not make you a good Mom. I look at my Mom (she had her flaws, but I happen to think she did a pretty good job) and try my best to think what made her so great. What I come up with is love. She loved us. She sacrificed for us. She worked hard.
Tonight as I was preparing dinner I was praying and asking the Lord if he would help mold me into a better Mom for Mason. It began like this, "Lord, would you help me want to make things from scratch? Would you give me a passion for making clothes for my baby boy?" About half way through I realized how absurd I was being and began asking the Lord to make me the best Mom I could be. That I would embrace who I am as a person and accept all of the wonderful ways he has set me apart from others and refine those things about me.
I think this was a much better prayer.
Besides I don't really want to be one the the Jones'.
I love reading blogs from other Moms to see what recipes I can borrow (okay, steal and pass them off as my own..ha ha), but sometimes when I do I find myself so discouraged. I see these Moms using cloth diapers, and making EVERYTHING from scratch, they have gardens and are able to sew. I look at myself and see how I am none of the above things. Even if I learned to sew or used cloth diapers, I don't see either as an enjoyable experience. Then I begin to wonder if I will even be a good Mom since I do not do those things.
In reality I know the truth. Just because you have a green thumb or spend hours in the kitchen concocting some new from-the-earth entree, does not make you a good Mom. I look at my Mom (she had her flaws, but I happen to think she did a pretty good job) and try my best to think what made her so great. What I come up with is love. She loved us. She sacrificed for us. She worked hard.
Tonight as I was preparing dinner I was praying and asking the Lord if he would help mold me into a better Mom for Mason. It began like this, "Lord, would you help me want to make things from scratch? Would you give me a passion for making clothes for my baby boy?" About half way through I realized how absurd I was being and began asking the Lord to make me the best Mom I could be. That I would embrace who I am as a person and accept all of the wonderful ways he has set me apart from others and refine those things about me.
I think this was a much better prayer.
Besides I don't really want to be one the the Jones'.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)