Last week when I went to the Dr., she said that she thought that our baby would be coming early (since in his last ultrasound he was measuring two weeks ahead of schedule). She said that he might come at 38 or 39 weeks. The reality of him coming early sunk in quickly and I became a freak of nature: cleaning, organizing, rearranging. Thank God for Michael, he is so patient with me, and while I am up cleaning at midnight he knows just when to tell me to go to bed!
Throughout this entire pregnancy I have been so fearful. I have worried about everything. Cried about everything. Through good friends, family and scripture I have finally turned my fear over to the Lord. I no longer feel anxious (okay, on occasion I do) or feel the need to control everything around me. In truth, what can I really do? I am totally out of control of anything to do with my body, or baby. I have to trust that EVEN IF something does go wrong, the Lord will provide strength, comfort and be a place of refuge for me. All I can do now is submit to the Lord's will and prepared mentally, emotionally and physically for this adventure.
Oddly enough, I now feel excitement. This is not something I have felt yet during this process. Part of me feared losing this baby and out of that fear I was not able to fully enjoy the experience. But I will no longer be a slave to my fear. I will rejoice in the Lord and that he has blessed us and allow myself to enjoy this process (as much as I can feeling huge and swollen :). I feel free. Finally.
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